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Welcome, everybody, to House O’Pain, the hot new MTV show dedicated to the latest trends in celebrity self-mutilation. Today, we’ll send Cindy Crawford to a tattoo parlor for a teeny touch-up on her left ankle, and watch as Drew Barrymore gets a second nose ring on her right nostril. (Way cool, Drew!) Finally, we’ll check in on the new cue-ball charm of Christian Slater, who just minutes ago agreed to shave his head on camera.”
Of course, House O’ Pain doesn’t exist (yet).

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