Net#work BBDO’s Grand Prix-winning radio scripts for Virgin Atlantic

MVO: Plain Insanity by Virgin Atlantic.
SFX: Cuckoo clock
SFX: Music
MVO: I don’t often eat caviar for breakfast. Perhaps as rarely as twice a week. But it was only Wednesday. Or Dorisday.
The lady in the tutu interrupted me mid-bite. She was licking a breakfast dog.
‘I was born to dance,’ she sang as ketchup dribbled down her chin. Her wooden leg betrayed her.
I quickly changed the subject to geography. ‘What’s the lay of the land?’ I asked. She tapped her wooden leg with the heel of her red stiletto three times. Her balance was uncanny.
‘I landed this evening,’ she said.
‘First class amenities for a business class fare,’ she said.
‘Virgin Atlantic Upper Class,’ she screamed, as if she had won at bingo.
It was plain insanity. So I stared at her leg.
Teak. Or maybe mahogany.

MVO: Plain Insanity by Virgin Atlantic
SFX: Cuckoo clock
SFX: Music
MVO: A dog followed me home from the supermarket eight-and three-quarter days ago. Not a big dog. But not a small one either.
I let it in and made a pot of tea. It didn’t care for the tea, but it ate all the digestives.
I drew a picture of the dog in purple crayon and placed it at the supermarket.
We watched the news every night and I became quite fond of him. I called him Derrick, after a bully in my school.
Yesterday there was a knock at the door.
‘I’m here,’ the woman said.
‘But where have you been?’ I asked.
‘I’m sorry, I’m married,’ she said. ‘My husband is in London,’ she said.
‘He flew first class for a business class fare. Virgin Atlantic Upper Class,’ she whispered.
She was plainly insane. So I gave her the dog.

MVO: Plain Insanity by Virgin Atlantic.
SFX: Cuckoo clock
SFX: Music
MVO: I had seen him at supermarket the week before. He had been walking a blue iguana past the cleaning products. With sunglasses on.
Today was a ferret. I made up my mind to speak to him and approached with caution, having seen a documentary on ferrets the night before.
‘Is it acceptable to put salt on your cornflakes?’ I asked the pale man.
He removed his sunglasses and winked at me, with his good eye.
‘I thought so,’ I said.
The ferret looked me up and down and I could tell he was drunk. The pale man then spoke slowly in a Northern Spangalese accent:
‘I recently returned from London,’ he said.
‘I flew first class for a business class fare,’ he said.
‘Virgin Atlantic Upper Class,’ he said.
He was plainly insane, so I smiled and gave the ferret my business card.