Fear, Loathing And Fast Food

It’s hard to overstate how frightened people are of the Burger King, who log-rolls with a lumberjack in his latest ad. Here’s a sampling of what people are saying about him online:

“If I were to ever chop down a tree to find the creepy King standing behind it with a nasty sandwich on a silver platter … well, I would all of a sudden have a new use for my saw.” • “If I saw the Burger King standing at my bedroom window, behind a tree or at the other end of a log, I think I can safely say I would freak out completely. I would never eat anything he gave me.” • “If that sumbitch just appeared out of nowhere, I’d 1) mess myself; 2) kick him in the jimmy; 3) run like hell.” • “I’m going to McD’s. At least their clown isn’t stalking people.” • “The reason why I have guns is in case I wake up and some creepy guy in a Burger King mask is looking in my window.” • “I had a nightmare last night that he was in league with the gophers in my backyard on a mission to mock me and destroy my lawn. He was standing at the back of my lot line with that disturbing permagrin and sending forth squadrons of the creepy little vermin to dig holes relentlessly.” • “If someone stalked me at work, was wearing a costume, wouldn’t say a word and then tried to offer me a sandwich, I’d call the police.” • “It’s just scarey [sic] to look at, especially when he pops up in all the wrong places.” • “He’s just a creepy S.O.B. I fear him like a clown.”