There's no shortage of aging B-list movie stars who'll do a commercial for a few bucks these days. Think of Steven Seagal, well past his prime, in that "Sheep Impact" mini-film for Australian beer Carlton Dry. Usually the results are middling at best, but this new U.K. spot for Coors Light, starring Jean Claude Van Damme, at least gets points for extra absurdity. In it, the Muscles from Brussels stands on a snowy mountainside and waxes poetic about how Coors Light is a lot like . . . his frozen pants? Here's his monologue verbatim: "My pants froze, and froze hard. So tight. Even thinking about it takes me back. Have you ever seen a man-penguin walk after an intense mating season? Have you? When a man's pants freeze as rock solid as mine—let me tell you, my friends, even that was nothing compared to the ice-cold refreshment of a Coors Light. Man, my pants were tight." I'm probably missing some classic Van Damme reference. Still, throw in a couple of crotch shots—hey, it's topical in light of Weinergate—and you've got one of the weirder nostalgia cameos of recent years. Chatting about your tight, frozen crotch and comparing yourself to an oversexed penguin—this is what happens when the action-movie offers dry up. At least he can laugh at himself. Hopefully they paid him well.