If there’s one holiday advertising campaign that we can always count on to give us that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, it’s Coca-Cola’s. Every Christmas season, we are guaranteed vignettes of adorable little polar bears sliding down snowy hills and drinking Coke from the bottle. And, who could forget the image of a rosy red-cheeked Santa Claus, swigging Coke like a champ while winking to good little gentile boys and girls? Coca-Cola and Christmas, is there anything more American?
Well, we submit for your consideration, the face of adult contemporary music, San Francisco sissy-rockers, Train. Train, in short, is maybe the worst band ever. Forget the band’s nonsensical lyrics, their soccer mom fan base, or their overindulgent orchestral compositions, and for a moment, recall their singer’s trademark warble. Do you remember when you couldn’t leave your house without being instantly subjected to the horrible crooning of “Drops of Jupiter?” Do you remember when you found out someone you once respected had actually paid money to attend a Train concert? Do you remember when Train recorded a song specifically for Coca-Cola’s Christmas campaign?
Today is the day when you realized that you will be hearing “Shake Up Christmas” this entire holiday season. You won’t even be able to enjoy your annual viewings of It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story without dreading the commercial breaks when your favorite caffeine-addicted polar bears will be skipping around to this audible pile of crap. Of course, there’s a little supplemental bit of pretension from singer Patrick Monahan in an interview with Reuters. According to Monahan, the song is about giving hope to people in tough economic times. The song is not about the ad, but about the true “spirit” of Christmas.
Prepare for the worst holiday season in history: