Some Things You Could Maybe Buy the Advertiser in Your Life (aka, yourself)

By Matt Van Hoven 

This holiday season be the envy of all your advertising colleagues when you buy them something from this hastily put-together list of vaguely advertising-related products. Some new, others old, you’ll have everything it takes to be in advertising. At least from the outside, but hey, that’s what counts in this biz.

1. For the copywriter in your life, here’s ‘Writing Copy for Dummies‘ by Jonathan Kranz. Because even if your ideas suck, at least they’ll be well written.

2. It’s not enough to have the “creative chops” these days. You’ve got to look the part, too, and who better to outfit you than the king of perviness, Dov Charney. You can rest easy at night knowing that the fuscia douche-neck (super-deep-v-neck), green track shorts and shin-high gym socks you’re wearing tomorrow will back you up when your ideas fall flat. “Even creative genius has brain farts,” they’ll say while gawking at your pasty gams.

3. Out of work advertising folks will appreciate the next gift: a subscription to, a site that pays you just for watching commercials! Er, I think you win money, somehow. Nonetheless, you can stay up on what “working” folks are doing without feeling useless. Or like all you read are the ad blogs.

4. Education is a vital part of the business, but rather than gain experience on your own, glom on to your teacher’s experiences by spending a year at University of Colorado at Boulder, Digital Works. For just $25,000, you can be part of a small but talented group who like you are willing to spend thousands on a chance to work at Crispin. And since it’s just 60 weeks long, you’ll have plenty of time to finish that “things my grandma says while cooking nude” blog you’ve been working on.

5. Pictures are always a holiday gift winner, but the hardest part of making this memorable moment possible is choosing the appropriate frame. Enter DoucheBagFrames, a beautiful wooden treasure with word-phrases like “Ass-clown”, “Fucktard” and “shit for brains” imprinted on its shiny wood veneer. Give one or keep your best friends framed in it for years to come.

6. Macbooks are passe now that the Netbook has landed on the scene. Utilize Google’s cloud computing tools and be the envy of your hipster friends with one of these cute little computers. Starting at like, $300, netbooks will make you appear trendy and maybe get you laid.

Send us your ideas for the perfect advertising holiday gift to agencyspy at

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