Raw and Uncut

By Matt Van Hoven 

Per our spy:

“(AgencySpy) should have a contest with the biggest heap of shit agency ‘elevator speech’ [sic] This one I came across recently inspired this concept…seriously, who writes this crap??”


“We deliver Catalytic Ideas; ideas that incite consumers to action; driving sales, vitalizing brands, & creating value in myriad forms. They originate in insights that we find by digging in the space where consumer, culture, & commerce intersect. Our Path2Purchase discovery process sheds light on touch points & messaging levers that have disproportionate influence on purchase behavior. It informs strategy across the marketing mix. When it comes to media, the idea of 360 (degree) solutions strikes us as indiscriminate & financially impractical. It prizes ubiquity over selectivity.”

“Our approach &#151 Catalytic Connections &#151 identifies high engagement media with high correlation to purchase. We combine large scale buying capability ($1B placed annually) with plan craftsmanship on an intimate scale. We’re happily, fiercely independent. We answer to clients, not a holding company. We have no separate profit centers or functional silos; it’s a truly integrated model.”

(Ed’s note: we’re fairly certain that the above rant is about Doner. We typed, “We deliver Catalytic Ideas” into Google, and were brought to this AAAA page. We couldn’t find anything about this on their Web site, but we tend to trust the AAAA)

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