George Tannenbaum Can Write Your AgencySpy Comments for You

By Patrick Coffee 

george tannenbaumEveryone including your resident “spies” and the dudes behind this project knows that comments are a large part of the AgencySpy “experience”. They’re both a key draw and a source of multiple headaches for both Mediabistro employees and the agency comms directors who insist that we delete them, like, yesterday.

We would ask “who has the time?”, but that question feels a bit redundant.

Now George Tannenbaum, our city’s self-described “Busiest Freelance Creative Director“, thinks he can predict your comments before you even write them.

Yesterday on his “Ad Aged” blog — which Business Insider calls “most influential” — Tannenbaum presented readers with an “AgencySpy Comment Generator” that’s really just a list of the most common types of comments one tends to encounter on this super-friendly web site.

Here, then, are several prime examples from Tannenbaum’s 42-item list, conveniently arranged to cover two full alphabets:

a) That work sucks.

Well, yes.

b) That work is done by a hack.
c) Said hack is the biggest hack the world has ever known.

See, he can make fun of our linguistic tics too. Moving right along…

g) That agency is dead.

Uh huh.

m) He’s an ass-kissing brown-nose.

Well, maybe he is.

B) The writer of this post sucks dead monkeys.

Now this one we will contest, because we must have missed out on all the dead monkey references while we were busy doing something else.

E) This has no basis in fact.
F) I’ll tell you what’s really happening.

The perpetual struggles of the one who truly knows.


U) You have a sad, pathetic life.
V) No, you have a sad, pathetic life.
W) Advertising is full of sad, pathetic lives.
X) Get a life.
Y) No, you get a life.
Z) This is no life.

Isn’t this one a natural progression, though? Item W excepted, it reads very much like every political comment thread ever.

Today the Ad Aged blog also alerted us to the fact that Tannenbaum is seeking additional freelance work. But we don’t think “AgencySpy commenter” counts and, as he himself claims, you probably couldn’t afford him anyway.

As much as we appreciate Tannenbaum’s insights, we do almost wish he’d made an app for that. We can’t imagine anyone accurately predicting user names, either. You’re on your own there.

UPDATE: We’d like to suggest several additions to Tannenbaum’s list including one mentioned by (who else) a commenter below:

1) She’s ugly

2) He’s ugly

3) He has a serious drug problem

4) He cheats on his wife (usually with the interns)

5) She slept her way to her current position

6) These kids and their poorly-spelled snapchats!!

7) These old men and their desperate attempts at relevance!!

8) F*ck you, old hack

9) F*ck you, stupid punk

Did we miss any?