Full Disclosure: I Ate the Ice Cream

By Matt Van Hoven 

Sitting here about an hour ago, a package arrived at the Mediabistro office. It was marked for AgencySpy. As I walked into the lobby to pick up said package, a gangly intern-type was trying to sneak out. I cornered him and learned that inside the package were materials for constructing the most devious of agency-borne-press-bombs: an entire ice cream sundae kit. But from whence came this treasure, and why?

Earlier today, AdWeek Digital Guy Brian Morrissey’s tweeted: “i touched dry ice today. not a good decision. should have paid attention during science class.” This remark confused me as Mr. Morrissey has (to my knowledge) no reason to be in the presence of dry ice. But…


Inside these two ginormous boxes were not only the necessary items for creating the semi-perfect sundae but also dry ice to keep it cold. Unless Mr. Morrissey was busy preventing the growth of bacteria or making fizzy rootbeer drinks, it’s safe to guess AdWeek too received this package.

This deliciously well-planned treat was a gift, albeit a nefarious one, from the people at LBi (site) &#151 a company that bills itself “the world’s largest independent marketing and technology agency”. They’re opening a US office. The agency claims to be born from its two most “venerable interactive services firms” Special Ops Media and IconNicholson. Bla bla, was created to “combine social media and emerging forms of digital marketing with rich interaction and” ux design.

Hmm. Intriguing. This agency seems hell bent on limiting the lower-intestinal capacity of entire offices (mediabistro = comatose). It must be a ploy to get a jump on the competition &#151 or some easy free press. Fine, we succumb to the harsh truth: we’ve been bought and paid for.

But at least we had the decency to admit our faults! A quick read of Mr. Morrissey’s post on the same agency’s “U.S. Market Expansion” makes no mention of the scrumptious afternoon delight (maybe theirs came in the morning?). None whatsoever! So I ask you, fair readers: is our dereliction from standards so great that we should be punished for it? Indeed, my middle-section and those of my colleagues are already pained &#151 due to over-indulgence in heath-bar crunch topped with chocolate, cherries, whipped cream and sprinkles. The sons-of-ice-cream-makers even included bowls and spoons so there was no excuse. No excuse, I say with tear-filled eyes (not really). And have you seen the size of that ice cream tub? Carrying it to a nearby food shelf would have been near-impossible &#151 especially given the aforementioned stomach pains.

We have failed you. And I take full responsibility.

More:Cedric Devitt to ECD at LBi