Don Draper Has an Impressive Portfolio

By Patrick Coffee 

draperWhile preoccupied with criticizing “Mad Men” for its soap-quality sheen, superbly fitted suits and slightly unrealistic portrayals of life–agency and otherwise–in the “turbulent” 60’s, we sometimes lose track of something more interesting than the many women Don Draper takes to bed: the clients.

We know the obvious ones: Lucky Strike, Jaguar and Kodak.

But today FiveThirtyEight’s Walt Hickey tickled our curiosity and presented us with some irresistible click bait: a list of every Sterling Cooper client¬†throughout the series.

Our favorites after the jump.

Beyond Jai Alai and the fakes like Secor Laxatives and Menken’s department store, the list names quite a few impressive clients. For example, do you remember Don working with:

  • Right Guard
  • Cadbury
  • Dr. Scholl’s

Neither did we. We have no doubt that Sterling Cooper, were it around today, would love to have retained these:

  • Dunkin’ Donuts
  • Gillette
  • Rio de Janeiro
  • John Deere
  • Avon
  • Sheraton
  • American Cancer Society
  • Procter & Gamble
  • Warner Brothers
  • Dow Chemical

The point? It’s an extensive list.

Still, we have to echo ad man and supposed Draper inspiration George Lois in his primary complaint about the show: Carousel aside, when does Don–the “no-talent, womanizing, drunk, smoking, white-shirted son of a bitch”–do the work required to earn all these accounts?