Domino’s Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

By Matt Van Hoven 

The Onion News Network, which is ad-supported by Stride Gum, rarely fails to get a laugh with their videos. This latest piece remarks how ridiculous Domino’s pizza products can get.

To name a few that are currently on the menu, the MeatZZa Feast® (“Slice after slice of pepperoni, ham, savory Italian sausage and beef topped with an extra layer of cheese.”), the ExtravaganZZa Feast® (“Loads of pepperoni, ham, savory Italian sausage, beef, fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms and black olives with extra cheese”) and of course who could forget the Bacon Cheeseburger Feast (“Beef and smoked bacon topped with cheddar cheese.”)

It’s a good thing they trademarked the “Feast” idea. I mean, in the cut throat pizza industry, you never know who’s going to steal your next big, shitty heart-healthy idea.

But the marketing genius behind Domino’s products doesn’t seem to be working. According to a Hoover’s report, for 2007 the pizza maker’s net profits were down to $37.9 million from $106.2 million the previous year. Ouch.

Don’t forget, Domino’s Marketing VP Michael Raymond resigned back in May. Who wants Papa John’s?

Check out the latest Stride spot, after the jump.