Today in completely unsubstantiated “news,” a source tells us that a certain big-name agency owned by a certain big-name holding company is experiencing some technical difficulties in its New York office.
Specifically, our source claims that the office’s air conditioning system has not been functioning properly for over a week. Because Manhattan is trending “very hot” at the moment, many employees currently “[camp] out like refugees” in the space’s corridors in hopes of catching the slightest hint of a natural breeze.
In addition to this unforgivable offense, our source also tells us that the office elevators are kaputt and that company email isn’t functioning properly either. (It must be Outlook, the worst tech product ever released on an unsuspecting, undeserving public.)
This “story” somehow includes every element of our recurring work nightmare.
But it’s not all bad news for this agency, which is in the midst of revealing its new face to the world at large. We hear that “staffing changes” are pending and that employees are not terribly happy about reports of a sky-high salary for the parent company’s chief executive, who’s too busy listening to brand strategy insights from the guy on Entourage and the woman with the clickbait butt to pay attention.
Here is Shutterstock’s approximation of our tipster’s daydream:
Employees could always visit the Hulu Seinfeld pop-up apartment a few short subway stops away. This real-life marketing stunt presumably includes working AC units in addition to other attractions like “Kramer’s reverse peephole.“