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I’m a gay man. A gay CEO, to be clear. This wasn’t always the case: I rose to my current position as CEO of a 175-person brand experience agency while leading a straight life with my wife and two children.
This part of my life is not super comfortable to share. I understand the widespread but unspoken fear among leaders who have come out later in life—that they’ll go from being known as “the CEO” to “the gay CEO.”
My agency encourages people to bring their whole selves to work. Our very existence was inspired by a poem that speaks of being present and vulnerable, a significant reason this closeted man felt so comfortable coming out at work.
Several LGBTQ+ team members made our environment safe and welcoming. There were still personal worries while navigating a divorce, but sharing my truth with colleagues and living more authentically at work wasn’t one of them.
With 40% of LGBTQ+ employees reporting they are still closeted at work, the right time to come out will always be personal. And though our era lends itself to a lot of progressive change, the best thing any of us can do is support people when it’s their time.
Personal perspective and societal context are different for every person, meaning we provide safe workplaces first, then as they are ready, they lead the process.
As excited as I am to reach out to my LGBTQ+ colleagues, inviting them to participate in our OPEN Pride employee resource group is something I approach with sensitivity. I cannot define their level of comfort; I can only honor it. We create safe environments through empathy—when people choose to reveal more about themselves, we commit to being present by listening to their stories and honoring their courage.
How do we accomplish creating an environment of inclusion? What does this look like?
Listen, listen and listen
As someone reveals their story to us, we respect it by keeping the focus on them. This is not our moment to tell them about our gay sibling or friend. We create space for them to share and then we listen.
Perhaps they’ll share information that challenges us to change it up. If so, as teammates, we process, internalize and pivot if necessary. This is how we connect, which is a strength for people in an industry that is adept at managing nuance and change.
All we’ve ever done in our work is understand the nuances and humanity of audiences and create experiences that caters to what they need in life. Why not apply that to our own industry culture?
Celebrate more than just client wins
We must celebrate, with consistency, key life events such as marriage, new additions to family, an employee discovering their gender identity. When a mixed-orientation marriage is on the horizon, we naturally celebrate the engagement, the ring, the ceremony and the honeymoon.
We do this because it’s what we know how to do. In the LGBTQ+ community, our “moments” might vary from the usual script. But if colleagues and friends are really listening, they’ll be better equipped to pick up on important cues and be present for those special moments of our lives.
Understand it’s a journey
Leaders must continue to learn. Tradition is what feels most natural because it has created an illusion of security by repeating what we already know. But our awareness of the world around us, and our understanding of diverse orientations and identities, means a steady drumbeat of new lessons.
Expanding beyond what we already know will require effort and stretching, which will inevitably lead to both personal and professional growth. Respecting the pronouns of colleagues and clients and using inclusive language entails taking time and energy to unlearn assumptions and create more inclusive pathways in our minds. The discomfort we feel along the way is merely proof that we are learning, growing and changing for the better.
Collectively, we have the incredible opportunity to provide a longer, warmer season for people to take off their shoes and live as their most authentic selves. Let’s do our part in making their stories easier to tell.
