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When asked about sexual harassment in the workplace, companies will often reiterate the same phrases of “zero tolerance” or “no place in our office,” but the problem often lies in that most complaints never reach human resources.
A Pew Research Center survey revealed that 59% of women have experienced some form of sexual harassment, and more than half of them said not being believed is a major problem in the workplace. There are many reasons why women who are harassed don’t speak out, including fear for their careers. This means that what starts out as a serious offense often gets mixed in with the layers of rumors and quiet warnings that swirl but rarely lead to any action.
Now, men have begun to ask, “What we can do?”
While it is good that the question is being asked, it still often gets tainted with the Good Guy brush: “I’m a good guy, I know loads of good guys, we want to help, it’s not all men.” And while they’re not wrong, they are missing the point. No, not all men who are committing these acts, but all men are responsible for solving the problem.
So I’m offering some of my first-hand experiences and thoughts on where, as men, we can start to do more, where we’re missing the mark, and where we can take more responsibility and do better. If you honestly can’t see a reflection of yourself, your friends or your colleagues in the below, then I encourage you to take some time to speak to some of the women in your life and hear their experiences, because I have no doubt they’ll be able to fill in your blind spots.
Don’t get defensive when you hear ‘Yes all men’
Can you honestly say that over your whole life, you’ve never done anything that you’re not proud of, wouldn’t do again, or don’t feel great about? We all have. Perhaps it’s not something you did, but rather something you didn’t do. Think back to those moments and how you could have acted differently.
I once had a board member who had a habit of leering at female members of staff. I felt I was too junior and didn’t call it out, and it makes my skin crawl to think of it now. I had another director who on a business trip took his wedding ring off and “discreetly” pinched several women’s rears in a bar (obviously there is no discretion here).
It’s moments like this we need to take ownership of and learn from. If you know someone has been making colleagues uncomfortable at work events, take them aside and make them aware of the issue—they may even thank you for it. Most guys don’t want to be that person, so help them learn. Take responsibility.
Don’t let labels get in the way
There will be complaints and you will get called anything from “boring” to “fun police” to potentially more inflammatory phrases like “snowflake” or “woke.” Don’t be put off, and don’t let semantics derail what you’re trying to do.
As with all things in life, and especially in the office, the vocal minority might complain loudest, but those most affected will often message you on the side with their thanks. If you’re trying to stop harassment and inequality, then have confidence that you’re moving things in the right direction and stick by your convictions.
Your sphere of influence is wider than you think
Over the past few years, we’ve seen a much deeper understanding of the nuances of leadership and communication.
If you’re not the loudest voice in the room, there are still ways to communicate to make a difference. If you’re not up to taking the stage at a company all-hands, have a one-to-one chat during a coffee break. Either way, make sure you’re using the right methods to speak to those who need to listen—you’ll be amazed at the results.
Develop a connection with leadership
Not all CEOs are approachable, but you should be able to find and develop a connection with someone on the leadership team who will listen. (If the entire leadership team is unapproachable, I would suggest that’s a toxic culture that will be hard to fix on your own.)
You don’t have to book an hourlong meeting, but a short email opening the dialogue will go very far. If you are part of the leadership team, thinking you’re approachable isn’t the same as being approachable. Open lines of communication with your team; send out company communiques expressing your intent to listen. Put yourself in the shoes of your junior colleagues to remove the obstacle of being too intimidated to reach out.
Avoid scenarios where you could cause problems
It’s important to be responsible for your own actions. If you go to a bar with colleagues, behave as professionally as you would in the office. And if your company culture is so centered on such outings that not going for a beer would impact your career, then you need to have a chat with your leadership.
But also go a step further and show your consideration for your colleagues by encouraging activities outside of drinking. These days, company outings are often not bar-centric—whether it’s axe-throwing, escape rooms or cooking classes—and businesses are much more open to exploring different options that are more inclusive.
When there’s an issue at work, it shouldn’t be on victims alone to speak out. Change can happen if we all pitch in, but there’s still a lot of work to be done.
