Only Facebook Really Understands Me

A funny thing happened this morning when I was walking to pick up a coffee. A man jumped out from behind a lamppost and shouted "Oi! Look here you single 28-year old white male who sits around all day watching Star Wars". It is quite common for strangers to call out abuse based on my somewhat geeky appearance, but on this occasion the manager of my local Blockbuster hadn't even noticed my sandals and out-of-fashion t-shirt. As he demonstrated the latest Luke Skywalker Anniversary Box Set, he explained that he was trying out a new Facebook product that reveals to advertisers anywhere on the planet my likes and dislikes according to my Facebook profile. The idea that Facebook could follow us around the entire web, flogging our intimate details to advertisers as we go, is likely to cause uproar on a scale unseen since the early days of News Feed. And then we'll all settle back down and go on with life as usual. After all, relevant ads are good for us. Untargeted banner ads give you headaches. They say you can call something revolutionary if it changes your behaviour. When I first received a friend request from a family member I logged straight out of Facebook, cleared my cookies, and even considered taking refuge in a fake Orkut account. Since then, I've calmed down, done the decent - but difficult - thing and allowed brothers, sisters, and cousins to peek at the intimate secrets of my life that I trust only Facebook itself to understand completely. I long-ago gave up scanning my wall posts for indiscrete comments from friends that I wouldn't want Dad to hear about. And do you know what? Just maybe my relationship with my family is stronger because Facebook has shared aspects of my personality that I find difficult to explain face-to-face. My brother says not to worry about the pictures of me drunk and wearing a skirt - apparently he too had a great time at college. And my sister reassures me that it's OK these days for people to have alternative sexual preferences (actually, I must have ticked that box by accident, but it's interesting to note she wasn't surprised). The truth is that sharing my vital stats with advertisers is nothing compared to sharing my profile with those closest to me. Now I just need to fill out a few more movies, interests, and activities in my profile. I've already bought enough Star Wars clutter to last me a lifetime.

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Only Facebook Really Understands Me

Nick O'Neill

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Nick O'Neill