Today we are sad to announce that Prince Harry will probably never again amuse us with tales of drugged-up strip poker that double as viral marketing for Las Vegas tourism. He probably won’t have to leave his world of privilege behind for another “apology tour” in Afghanistan or simultaneously fend off the paparazzi and the Taliban, either.
According to The Telegraph, the young prince has finally found his missing piece — a “personal secretary” who will double as Mr. Bad News Ginger’s “right hand man” and just happens to be both a military veteran and a communications professional at finance-focused firm RLM Finsbury.
This lucky chap, who goes by the incredible name Edward Lane Fox (and may or may not have been voiced by George Clooney), will begin this challenging assignment right after the Prince returns from a “US tour” seen as crucial to the rebuilding of his reputation. Wait, did Harry ever have a good reputation? Most importantly, what will he do on his stateside jaunt? Click through for our best guesses:
Will he catch Shakespeare in the Park? Enjoy the charms of Colonial Williamsburg while murmuring “we should have crushed all you traitors to the crown when we had the chance” under his breath? Visit the Metropolitan Museum’s Islamic Art wing and wonder “why didn’t our empire loot and pillage all those priceless cultural artifacts?!” Ask friendly Americans on the street what they think about Sherlock Holmes playing a villain in the new Star Trek movie?
We just hope, for Harry’s sake, that he can get back to enjoying polo and organizing charities — or whatever it is that royalty does these days. We don’t really have any sound “reputation management” advice for Mr. Fox or Prince Charles 2.5, though we have heard that Dubai is the new Vegas (hint hint)…