And then, little Johnny, tell the principal to “Stick-em Up.”
It’s no secret that America is an overly litigious society consumed with ambulance chaser commercials and the threats of legal beagles over little-to-nothing. We’ve had more than our fair share amount of ridiculous lawsuits, proving that lawyers will shill for anything — specifically, a big check.
To wit, the Florida affiliate of the National Rifle Association (NRA) has Pop-Tarts and the second Amendment on its mind as it hollers at its pool of lobbyists and lawyers on the speed dial. In that order. How? You’re going to love this.
According to the Tampa Bay Times, the local NRA is all up-in-arms (see what I did there). A Maryland tyke was suspended for creating the edible toy featured above — a Pop-Tart gnawed into the shape of a gun. Sure, you can tell this won’t squirt bullets. Of course, this cutesy form of imagination won’t hurt anyone unless smashed in someone’s face.
Nonetheless, the boy — eight-year-old Jordan Bennett (yes, that’s him) — was suspended. The NRA? They gave him a lifetime membership. Yes, really.
This dastardly breakfast meal prompted the Florida State Legislature to create a bill to get tough on schoolkids and guns. Well, yeah?
However, suspending a child for this caused the NRA to support a proposal to said bill that would “protect schoolchildren who play with imaginary guns, miniature toy guns and toy guns made of snap-together building blocks. Children would also be free to draw pictures of guns or hold their pencils as if they were guns. But they could still get into trouble if their play disrupts class or hurts a fellow student or teacher.”
The bill is now lovingly called “The Pop-Tart Bill.”
“Obviously, we don’t want firearms brought to school in a backpack,” said state Rep. Dennis Baxley, R-Ocala, who introduced the proposal. “But we got into a lot of simulated behaviors and overreacted.”
NRA lobbyist Marion Hammer said the better name was the “Right-to-be-a-Kid Bill.” Yes, yes, Marion. Har-har. Stick to the day job. Tell us: While school safety is paramount for all the idiots of the world (young and old alike), which is more unnecessary here? This bill from Florida political hacks or the counter from the NRA?