Here you won’t see a guy named Gary Southern tell local reporters how bad he feels for certain West Virginians, who have no access to safe drinking water after his company Freedom Industries just happened to spill a bunch of something called 4-Methylcyclohexane Methanol into the Elk River last week.
The stuff may sound like an active ingredient in e-cigarettes, but it’s actually a chemical used to “wash” Freedom’s primary product: coal.
When the spill happened, West Virginia American Water Company president Jeff McIntyre warned 300,00 people: “Don’t make baby formula. Don’t brush your teeth. Don’t shower. Toilet flushing only.”
Sounds scary, but it’s OK. We might even ask whether humans really need water, but Mr. Southern apparently can’t live without it…
Look at him dodge! The reporter’s Twitter post-interview Twitter response is the best part, though.
@ScottH_WSJ lol thanks — I’m also 8 months pregnant. You don’t mess w a pregnant lady
— Kallie Cart (@KallieCartWCHS) January 11, 2014
You know what? After a little expert accent analysis research, we’ve determined that this guy isn’t really southern. He’s not even really American!
Hell, we’re still shocked that all the names in this story are real.
(H/T TV Spy)