Fifty Shades of Grey Is Having Some Performance Issues

jamie-dornan-dakota-johnsonSoccer dads, cat moms and even some red-faced teens are anticipating the Valentines Day 2015 is the 90-minute S&M boink fest 50 Shades of Grey, set for release on Valentine’s Day (how romantic!).

However, ticket sales may go flaccid after hearing this news: It’s not sexy enough. 

Wait, what?! *Gasping. Swooning. Regretting.*

Word from US Weekly is that stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are lacking that je ne sais quoi needed to make this movie a global success large enough to match the impact of the book that preceded it.

Take

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