Food for Thought

I did my first walkathon the other weekend, a three-mile hike on behalf of some community organization on Chicago's southwest side. My girlfriend's sister helped put it together, so when she called to see if I could make it, I responded like Norm Crosby to Jerry Lewis the week before Labor Day: "Where do you want me and when?" That's not true. Shamefully enough, it took screamed threats and sobbing accusations to get me out of bed that early. The crying worked, and I eventually found myself trudging through a neighborhood far from home for a cause I'm still unclear about. Guides for the march came from the local Boy Scout troop—which brings me, finally, to my first point. Kids these days certainly are a chubby lot. It seemed like all these Scouts were size husky, with ample girths stretching tight their khaki uniforms. You'd expect one or two to be called Tubby, but in this case the entire platoon fit the bill. As we know, studies support my bleary-eyed observation. Children are fatter than ever. Much of the blame goes to poor diets, including too much fast food. The government is dumping $120 million into ads urging kids to shape up, in an effort led by Frankel here in Chicago, whose clients include McDonald's. The fast-food chains and their agencies will explain that cheeseburgers and fries can be part of a well-balanced, nutritious diet. Of course they can. But if they were, McDonald's and its ilk would suffer accordingly. It's like the brewers reminding us to drink responsibly. If it weren't for frat boys and older sots on benders, their bottom lines would sag like a drunkard's trousers. Which leads, somehow, to Foote, Cone & Belding's lawsuit against its former Chicago president, Brian Williams, and DDB. It conjured visions of trembling admen on the stand, raising their right arms and swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth—a scene we'd certainly welcome on a weekly basis. Among the evidence entered was a statement from a Pepsi executive who said the company moved its Quaker account to Omnicom because it was "deeply uncomfortable" working with an Interpublic Group agency, given IPG's ties to Coke. Of course it was uncomfortable. But the official line at the time was some nonsense about "cost synergies." Anyone familiar with the situation knew the real deal before the lawyers were summoned. Oh to have the power to legally depose sources regularly—a tool of persuasion every bit as effective as a girlfriend's tears. Alas, the FCB case was dropped, and there will be no more sworn testimony. IPG and FCB realized they'd be hard-pressed to prove any "conspiracy" between Williams and Omnicom, so they cut their losses. In a mercenary business, filing the action seemed a rather desperate maneuver anyway. So the lawyers were sent packing, and they came off looking like the more honorable characters in the whole business.

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Food for Thought

Trevor Jensen

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Trevor Jensen