Author and relationship expert, Dee Sanderson is no stranger to controversy but in her new book, How to Marry a Loser Without Even Trying, Sanderson turns up the heat. In our interview with the author, she explains why she thinks her book is not just another male-bashing book, what her beef is with other “relationship experts” and what women can do to avoid the mistakes she has made.
That’s a strong title, Dee, is this just another male-bashing book?
Not at all! The title is meant to be funny and eye-catching but this book is not about bashing men. It’s about examining some of the poor choices that I’ve made over the years. It’s about what I allowed to happen.
What makes this book different than any other relationship book? What’s it about?
One of the things I tried to do differently in this book is to not be preachy. There’s a lot of humor in the mistakes we make in life and I want women to laugh while they’re learning and be able to identify with my story. I didn’t want to give a list of one size fits all rules but rather show through real life examples how we sometimes wind up on the wrong path in our relationships. This is a book about learning and growing as a person. I wanted to show that no matter how bad a situation might be there’s always a chance for you to make it better and learn from it so that you don’t keep repeating the same stupid mistakes.
What’s your biggest beef about other relationship experts and books? What are they saying or doing that are leading women on the wrong path?
I don’t really have a “beef” per se. But I do think it’s unrealistic when I see books touting that if you follow these exact rules or do exactly this or that, that you’ll find your soul mate. I think it’s foolish and misleading to do this. Every relationship is different and every person learns and grows differently. Also, when it comes to matters of the heart many times women can be very defensive if you come at them like you’re their mother telling them what to do. I think if you just show women real life experiences that they can identify with usually they can make that connection to their own lives without all the preaching and finger pointing.
What event in your life inspired you to write this book?
I was in an unhappy marriage that ended very badly. It took a rather traumatic episode to finally wake me up to the fact that I was married to someone who basically shared none of my values and clearly didn’t value me or our marriage at all. When it was all over it was like a light bulb went off in my head and everything that I had been doing wrong to allow myself to wind up in that situation was suddenly so clear to me. And even further when I thought about other women that I knew who been through similar things I started to see something of a pattern. I just wanted to share my story in the hopes that it would make other women look at themselves and the choices they make, and not repeat my same mistakes.
You’re noted as a relationship expert, how did you get your start and what have you done to improve women’s lives?
I got my start in life! There is no training like real life experience to teach you about living and loving. I contribute to blogs on relationships and speak to women’s issues in groups and on the radio. And the improvement comes with, among other things, acknowledging that there is an issue or problem in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
Where can we get your book?
You can purchase my book at my site www.marryaloser.com and also on Amazon.com. You can also follow me on twitter @ marryaloser and on Facebook at How to Marry A Loser Without Even Trying.
For our male readers, what can they take away from reading this book?
Well hopefully they’ll at least get a couple of laughs. But along the way I’d love for them to really evaluate their part in making a relationship work and that honesty goes a long way in that equation. People make mistakes but often if you’re just honest about who you are and what you want it can save everyone, men and women, a whole lot of heartache and grief.