This blog post about quarreling on Psychology Today caught our eye.
Why, you ask?
Because so many of us do it at work and may not even realize we’re fighting tooth and nail to “win.” And sometimes, as pointed out by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., neuropsychologist and author, we may not even by quarreling with a person — it may be sticktuitiveness after slamming a desk drawer on your finger.
As per the piece, a daily dose of quarreling certainly isn’t good for your own long-term physical and mental health nor is it good for your working relationship with colleagues.
In the piece he challenges readers to avoid quarreling for an entire week! How can we do this? For starters, we need to be mindful. He writes:
“For example, be aware of that sense of revving up, pushing against, being right, and driving your view home that is so characteristic of quarreling. Ask yourself: Does this feel good? Is this good for me? Observe the impact of quarreling in relationships, whether you’re doing it or others are (including on the world stage). Ask yourself: Are the results good? What would my relationships be like if I did not quarrel in them?”
Furthermore, if you feel a quarrel coming on and you’re walking right into it, step back, slow down, walk away from the squabble.
His advice? “Try a different approach: Say only what truly needs saying; stay calm and contained, without trying to persuade the other person; don’t take any bait. If it comes to this, let the other person, not you, look over-heated and argumentative.”
And if you find yourself caught in the midst of a quarrel without realizing how quickly you became immersed in it, immediately back out by getting quieter. He points out in the piece, “If that person tries to keep up the fight, you don’t have to. It takes two to quarrel, and only one to stop it. Then when the time is right, as you can, try to repair the damage of the quarrel.”