The Miss Jobless Chronicles: Bankrupt!

Ed. note: "The Miss Jobless Chronicles" is a weekly series written by Caitlin O'Toole. Read the rest in the series here. My best friend Laura, who is also unemployed, is going bankrupt. But she's having a hard time admitting that filing for Chapter 7 is the only way to go. It's very hard to file for bankruptcy these days, as many of you probably know. But Laura doesn't have a choice. She's knee deep in credit card debt (to the tune of about $45,000). It's really the only way she has a chance to start over. We called one of those lawyers that advertise on the subway. It started off as a joke between us -- like, I dare you to call, I dare YOU to call. And then I called for her. A machine picked up -- and we had a choice whether to speak to a Spanish or English-speaking lawyer. After we selected English, it rang for what seemed like forever (maybe 19-20 rings) before a groggy-sounding woman answered. There was strange music in the background. "Hello? Ramirez y Ramirez?" "Hi," I said, pretending to be Laura. "I need to file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Is that something you can help me with?" "Hold on." I could tell she covered the phone and was speaking to someone else in the office. "Mira -- ella quiere archivar para la insolvencia. Do we do bankruptcy?" "Si," a muffled man's voice replied. "Yes, we can do that," she says to me. "How much is it?" "Depende. I mean, it depends how much debt she has and how quickly you need to get it done, and how complicated the case is. You need to come in." I made an appointment for Laura the next day and promised I would go with her. The office is on a shady block near 34th Street in the Garment District. The building is sandwiched between a wholesale fur shop and a shop that sells random wholesale goods from China -- backpacks, bobble-heads, military gear, hair accessories. You can tell the building used to be light brown/grey, but it's been covered in soot over the years and now it's a dark greenish-brown color. The entrance is hard to find -- but we find it after about five minutes and ring buzzer # 5. "Yes?" "We're here to see Mr. Ramirez." The woman -- who sounded like the woman on the phone -- buzzes us in and we take a freight elevator up to the 5th floor. A lawyer whose office is reached by freight elevator doesn't instill a lot of confidence in us, and we crack up but press on. There are only two offices on the very grubby fifth floor, and one of them is called King Toys, Inc., so by process of elimination we find Mr. Ramirez's and knock lightly. No answer. We knock again. "Coming!" a woman screams. Laura looks at me and erupts into laughter. "Shhh," I go. "Behave. Just shhh." A very short woman opens the door, and a huge waft of cheap cologne pours out of the dingy looking office. Her clothing is blinding. "Are you Laura?" she reaches out to shake my hard. "No, I'm Caitlin. This is my friend Laura." "Hi, nice to meet you. Have a seat and I will get you some papers to fill out in the waiting area. Mr. Ramirez will see you shortly." She leads us to the "waiting area" -- which consists of one wicker chair with a small hole in the middle, a rumpled bullfighting poster without a frame, and a cactus on the filthy window ledge. You can barely see out the window. "Let me get you another chair," she says, and returns two minutes later with a crusty old stool. I sit on it and move it closer to Laura, who's taken the chair. "I wonder who the other Ramirez is?" Laura whispers, as the woman disappears around the corner. "It's Ramirez and Ramirez -- do you think it's his son?" "No, he's probably just schizophrenic." And she laughs at my stupid joke (as she always does). We both examine the form, which is attached to a dirty clipboard missing a chunk on the side of it. It seems pretty basic -- name, birthday, blah blah, and where did you hear about us? "Subway," Laura wrote, and we both crack up again. "Shhhh, this is a serious matter," I say, patting her back. Then the woman with the blinding outfit appears and instructs us to follow her. On the other side of the wall are two desks -- she sits down at one of them. At the other one is a man who gets up and approaches us. "I am Mr. Ramirez, welcome," he says. "I'm Caitlin, and this is Laura." "Nice to meet you. Shall we get started?" I'm wondering where the other Ramirez sits. He looks over Laura's paperwork and nods. "I can help you," he says. "In your case -- which is a little complicated -- it's $695 down, $495 assuming you win. But there is NO guarantee that you'll win; it's tough these days. But it's $495 whether you're eligible for Chapter 7 or Chapter 13. It's $495 if you win, period. If you don't win, you don't owe me anything more." He then goes into the difference between the two types of bankruptcy, and what type of person qualifies. As my mind wanders, my eyes wander to the dated, faded movie posters on the wall. "What if I don't have the $695? Can you work out some kind of payment plan?" Laura asked him. I'm surprised she didn't whip out her credit card and try to pay with that. "Well, if you don't have the $695 we can work something out. How much can you afford?" "Er... $300?" "What about $400? If you can do $400 that's OK with me." There's a knock at the door. Chinese food. "Excuse me a second," he says, reaching into his pocket and handing the delivery boy a $10 dollar bill. "So?" "OK," Laura says. "Let me get the money together and come back next week." We leave and head towards the F train in the extreme summer heat. I don't think Laura understands the ramifications of what she's about to do, or try to do. "10 years, fucked up credit," I go. "You don't have to rub it in." "I'm not, I'm just pointing out the realities of it." "Well don't." We were silent all the way home and have not spoken since. Caitlin O'Toole is a New York City-based writer and editor. A native of Washington, D.C., she began her illustrious journalism career as a Washington Post paper girl. She has since written and edited for Sesame Workshop Digital, Star Magazine, The National Enquirer, Glamour, People.com, Parade.com and Washington's City Paper. Her work has also been featured on Fox News, ABC, MTV and VH1. She lives in Chelsea with her two cats, Lucy and Ethel. She can be reached for work at her LinkedIn page, and blogs at Shits and Giggles.

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The Miss Jobless Chronicles: Bankrupt!

Rachel Kaufman

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Rachel Kaufman