Onion: 'Huffington Post Turbine Worker Torn To Pieces'

And yes, we realize the irony of posting this, but come on. They’re basically daring us to.

According to today’s issue of satirical newspaper The Onion, a 25-year-old employee “died Wednesday after being sucked into the website’s powerful news-repurposing turbine, where his body was immediately torn to pieces.

“The 200-ton content-compiling device, developed by Greek multimillionaire and site co-founder Ari­anna Huffington, sucks up original articles from around the web with its massive rotor assembly, re-brands them with the Huffington Post name, and then spits them back out on the company’s home page.”

I heard this grinding noise, and then I saw all these Washington Post stories, sexy pictures of people in the workplace, and celebr­ity anti-vaccine editorials start to back up on the factory floor,” said Huffington Post editor Emily Paxton…”We couldn’t shut it down,” continued Paxton, adding that the smell of mutilated remains mixed with raw Internet media was gag-inducing.

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