Lunch at Michael's: Depp, Bloomberg and Diller -- A Weird, Wild Time

Who would have thought that so many media people would be at Michael's today?! We had heard that all the regulars now dine there on Saturdays (in part because of our Wednesday reports), but were we ever surprised by the turnout. We're not quite sure what was in the air (or the fizzy water) today, but the media elite were definitely not themselves. (Or maybe they were more themselves than they usually let show?) Teeth and chests were bared, Cobbs went missing, there was even a tussle on the carpet. We've seen the forks and knives fly before, but never quite so literally. We only hope Stanley Bing was taking notes. Did anyone take photos? Maybe we should switch to Saturday more often. Here's the rundown: Table 1: A bookish Alice Mayhew was keeping a careful eye on the assembled throngs today, alone at the table of prominence. Uber Agent Binky Urban joined her much later. Neither woman acknowledged the other; neither woman spoke from across the vast stretch of their table. They just quietly munched, what else, Cobb Salads, the entire time. 2. Famed film maker Jim Jarmusch dined on coffee and had just managed to light a cigarette when Steve the Manager (rushing across the room) told him in the nicest possible way to put it out. His companion we didn't recognize, but looked a bit like Johnny Depp. Or maybe Crispin Glover? 3. Apparently feeling frisky on this very spring-like day, Bobby Zarem belted out a moving rendition of "I Love New York," until Joe Armstrong picked up his cowboy boot flower holder and drawled "tone it down." Zarem said he didn't like being told what to do and in a loud voice announced to several people at nearby tables (who strained to ignore him) that he would be running for Mayor of Michael's. 4. Charlie Rose, looking much better after surgery. With a woman of stunning good looks, who we didn't recognize but were told is a cardiologist to the stars. 5: Gil Schwartz, with some guy who looked like a character out of Schwartz-as-Bing's latest oeuvre, The Utter and Complete Fall of Rome or something. Halfway through the meal, we could swear we overheard the guy say he was going to poke someone's eyes out right then and there, but Schwartz calmed him down in his Zen-Master-ish way. 6: Media mogul/mayor of NY Mike Bloomberg said he wanted to run for Mayor of Michael's, too. No one seemed to get the joke. He ordered a Cobb Salad. The ultra-sexy blonde woman he was with ordered the Steak Salad "extra bloody," she said in tinker-bell voice. 7. mediabistro founder and cyberhostess Laurel Touby and yours truly. Against our advice, she wore her BOA to the restaurant today and drank several glasses of wine before the entree. Several media execs who shall remain unnamed (for obvious reasons) came over to rub the boa. [Off the record, we feel rather dirty about this.] 8. A post-makeover Maurie Perl, senior VP of corporate communications for Condé Nast, wearing hot pink Hue tights, a mini-mini mini-skirt, belly ring and giganto diamond earrings. She was with Condé's chief fashionisto, Andre Leon Talley, wearing khakis and a blue Banana Republic shirt. 9. Barry Diller looked very upset to be at this table. He was with a really hot blonde. They both ordered the Cobb. 10. There is no 10. Just checking to see if you're paying attention. 11. Some people discreetly trying to hide a camera who, when we asked, claimed to be "media ecologists" from MIT. Maybe they meant "anthropologists?" 12. Henry Schlieff, of Court TV, with golf clubs, joined for lunch today by his caddy. They ordered the Cobb. 13: Simon & Schuster CEO Jack Romanos, holding court with five hot babes who want book contracts. 14. Harper Collins' David Hirshey eyeing his boss (Jane Friedman) suspiciously at another table and asking no one in particular "Who is she with?? She didn't tell me she had a lunch today." Just yesterday, Hirshey paid a huge advance (rumored at $25 million) for the rights to a tell-all book by Julian Niccolini's housekeeper. He dug deeply into his Cobb. 15. Men's Health editor David Zinczenko and Men's Fitness editor Neal Boulton were sharing wine and nibbling on their Cobbs when Zinczenko lifted his Gap pullover. Boulton, not to be outdone, hit the floor, ripped off his Old Navy tee and started doing crunches. Zinczenko then matched him with one-handed pushups. They were still at it when we left. 16. Wily Michael Caruso, looking buff as ever, dining with Kent Brownridge and Jann Wenner. They discussed a startup for young (pre-10 and tween age) men. [We suggest calling it "Rolling Pebble"]. Jann, upon seeing Bonnie Fuller and Janice Min enter the room, stood up and bowed. "I owe my empire to you both," he said humbly. Then he rubbed Janice's bump. 17. Gorgeously appointed author Pamela Keogh dragged a lunchtime companion over to our table by the collar to introduce us. She spelled his name for us, but we don't remember what it was. She was dressed in Chanel, though. We got that right. 18. Anna Wintour, sans dark sunglasses, in a baggy dress (quite ill-fitting and not a good color for her). We ran into her in the ladies room and remarked on her outfit. She wouldn't reply, but her stylist (who performed an emergency touch up while we watched), said a brisk: "Thank you." 19. Us Weekly's Janice Min with AMI's Bonnie Fuller, talking with great avidity about hair and nails. A few of Bonnie's former assistants came over the table to congratulate Bonnie on her new book and wish her well. 20. Good Morning America's movie reviewer Joel Siegel, asking a waiter: "Do you know who I am?" 21. Ed Koller, sitting by himself and mumbling into his beer, "Who do they think they are ignoring me? I made the careers of everyone in this place." 22. We have it on good authority that Jeffrey Katzenberg and Steve Millington (aka Steve the Manager), who where dining on Cobbs, are negotiating with Michael to buy the restaurant and turn it into a Thai fusion joint. The new name: Steve's, natch! 23. Jerry Della Femina, who insisted we put him in the column because he's announcing a new TV show (on Spike TV) to compete against Deutsch's: The Big Idea. "I'm very jealous of that guy's show. He's not nearly as thin and young-looking as I am. Plus, he's bald. I have hair. I deserve a TV show of my own," said Della Femina, stomping his foot. 24. Showtime flack Stu Zakim and Barbara Walters, overheard talking about forming a new "Men and Women Who Lunch" group. 28: Playboy's Chris Napolitano, excuses himself halfway through lunch and reappears wearing a bathrobe and holding a cigar, hamming it up for his lunch date Christie Hefner. She is delighted and hanging on his every word. 29. Atoosa Rubenstein ordered the Cobb Salad with no cheese, no bacon, no tomatoes, no avocado, no egg, no dressing and no lettuce. It was the last Cobb, apparently, too; everyone else in the entire restaurant then had to order the burger, until that was gone. And the roast chicken, until that was gone. Then, they all ordered JUST cookies, no entree. At the bar: Maer Roshan, typing up the latest issue of Radar on a computer, fielding call after call, and saying "yes," "No!", "How much?" "7.4 percent." Cursing about the lack of a wireless Internet connection. Also seen: Michael Wolff, offering Steve the Manager cookies and flowers and pleading for a table: "I'm tired of fish. I want some real food." [A little birdie later tells us: Wolff was accompanied by Steve Rattner. Wolff is writing a roman a clef about Rattner's family life.] Wolff and Rattner storm out and repair to Bar Americain. If you were at Michael's today (or any day) and actually saw any of this happen, please email LaurelT AT mediabistro.com, or Dorian AT mediabistro.com. We'd really like to know. Map of Michael's

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Lunch at Michael's: Depp, Bloomberg and Diller -- A Weird, Wild Time

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