Shockingly, the twin of the “Don’t Touch my Junk” San Diego Airport passenger is none other than U.S. News & World Report‘s Opinion Editor Robert Schlesinger. Congratulations Robert! This is an honor you’ll be able to cherish for quite awhile. Next time you travel, you may want to keep things nice and calm in the security line. “Don’t Touch my Junk’s” name is John Tyner. He’s a 31-year-old software programmer.