Merry F-ing Christmas, Ana

By Garrett 


Remember these happy, happy days in Summer 2004? They appear to be long, long gone.

In this month’s glossy new Capitol File, Jessica Cutler, aka Washingtonienne, uses Jason Binn‘s love column to take more or less direct aim at a certain other famous D.C. blogger. In the missive, entiled “Take It Or Leave It: Jessica Cutler Examines, Loosely, The Blurry Line Between Marrieds And Singles,” is about how married people have so many good things in life, except that they can’t just jump into bed with anyone they want. Only singles can do that.

The choice excerpts:

“Last year, one of my friends (and I use that term loosely) admitted to me that she had a crush on one of the cable news anchors. Since she’s a married woman, I didn’t take it seriously, because I get ridiculous crushes all the time, and they don’t mean anything….

“But like I said, she’s not a good friend, so I didn’t know how much this ‘crush’ meant to her. Nor can I tell you what she was thinking when she gave him my phone number. He supposedly wanted to interview me on his show, but it turns out that he used the term interview loosely. After dinner, he brought me back to my apartment and we had intercourse–brief, perfunctory, meaningless intercourse….

“So I had to my friend about this, especially if she was entertaining the possibility of having an affair with this guy…. [S]he was pissed. Her voice became shrill as she chastised me…. When I asked her why she was so angry, she made excuses to get off the phone, leaving me to wonder what the BFD was. If it was just a crush, then why the hysterics?….

“A year later, I received an advance copy of a novel she had written since our falling-out and was surprised to see that our conversation had been worked into the storyline. When the protagonist learns that the anchorman is sleeping with another woman, our heroine is utterly devastated…. Of course, the heroine is a love-struck girl, which makes for a much more sympathetic character than a married woman with a horny-housewife crush.”

The column goes on recounting how Cutler feels she didn’t do anything wrong by sleeping with the anchorman, since they were both single and her “friend” was married anyway.

So let’s see, who could possibly match this description? A Washington-based female ex-friend of Cutler’s who recently had a novel come out involving a philandering newsman and a single heroine. Oh wait! That must be Wonkette Ana Marie Cox‘s forthcoming Dog Days.

We imagine the Christmas card read something like this:

Merry Christmas Ana, thanks for making me famous. I’m having the BESTEST year (just appeared in KoreAM Journal). By the way, enclosed is a little ditty I wrote for Jason about all those good times we had last year. Hope you’re well…..

Love, Jessica.

Anyone have guesses on who the cable news anchor was? The real-life version of the story involves a single man, so that rules out Wolf Blitzer and Chris Matthews.

Who else could it be….?