A secret cabal of journalists will gather next Wednesday at their lair in Washington, DC, -known as the Newseum -to plot the fate of our nation for the year to come, FishbowlDC has learned. Peter Baker, Mark Leibovich, Kelly O’Donnell, and Jake Tapper will converge upon the Newseum for a “year-end/look-ahead roundtable,” where they will lay out their plans for global domination. This meeting will occur at 8:00 in the morning to evade detection by the sensible people of the world, who will still be drunk/nursing their hangovers.
It is possible, however, to thwart these scheming journalist’s nefarious designs on America. It falls upon the young people of the world to stay vigilant, to take stimulants, to do whatever is necessary to remain awake and alert on the morning of December 18th. Under the guise of “attending a Politico Playbook breakfast”, said young people can infiltrate the journalists lair, observe their meeting, learn of their plans, and report them back to the nation. We here at FishbowlDC would go with you, good young people, but we are far, far too old and sensible to wake up in time to attend 8:00 meetings.
Good luck, youth! May God smile kindly upon you during this harrowing journey, and know that the whole nation is praying for your safe return.