Slate‘s Dave Weigel went all Weigelicious on us over the weekend. On Sunday he went on Facebook and wrote: “Robbed for the second time in 2011. Need to get the fuck out of this city.”
Whoa! What happened?! You can’t leave!
For starters, he donated monthly cash donations to a complete stranger who came to his door. This made him feel good for about five seconds because nothing spells complete safety then letting a total stranger (“a tall man with an unpronounceable accent”) into your home and giving him a credit card number.
He reasoned he earns enough, so why not?
Now, the conclusion to this story could have been so save the refugees dreamy had it stopped right there. But then Weigel had to ride his bike to a bar to meet two groups of friends that included a pair that wasn’t speaking because of sex gone sour. While Weigel was busy emotionally tending to his various groups of friends as well as his handheld device (because that’s what Millennials do) he got his $849 iPad and Philip K. Dick (no apparent relation to ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner or TIME‘s Mark “I got suspended from MSNBC for calling the Prez a d*ck” Halperin) hardcover stolen after leaving it in a bag on the floor.
In the bag were keys to his bike, office, lock box, gym, house and parents’ house. He forgot to register the bike key. He never got around to registering his iPad. He tried to make himself feel better by punching a pillar repeatedly. In an online post on his personal blog, he admitted his stupidity. He also wrote a few graphs to his perpetrator, saying, “Congratulations: You have committed a perfect crime. You understand completely that Millennials who work in the media don’t pay attention to their surroundings, because they’re either wrapped up in themselves or wrapped up in their cell phones. This is a distinction without a difference.”
Read the sordid details in Weigel’s words here.