Freedom Rocks

In the whirlwind that was Christmas, you may have missed a special holiday ode, performed by Washington Post music critic J. Freedom du Lac (taking the cake for coolest name for a reporter--sorry runners-up: Fox Butterfield, Jenny 8. Lee and R.W. Apple). Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the heezy/ Not a creature was stirring, not even Young Jeezy It gets even better...the rest of this priceless gem after the jump... The iPods were hung by the chimney with care/ In hopes that Saint Etienne soon would be there The bearded elite were nestled all snug in their beds/ While visions of Pitchfork danced in their heads And mamma in her 'do rag, and I in my cap/ Had just settled down for a freestyle rap When over the speakers there arose such a clatter/ I sprang from the bed to the sound of Skynyrd's "Mad Hatter" Away to the window I flew like Grandmaster Flash/ Tore open the shutters and put on some Johnny Cash The "Pink Moon" on the breast of the new-fallen Phoebe Snow/ Gave the Gus Gus track, "Anthem," to the Freedom Rockers below When, what to my wondering ears should appear/ But a miniature Viva K, and eight tiny Bob Weirs With a little old drummer, so lively and quick/ I knew in a moment it must be Lars Ulrich More rapid than eagles his kick drums they came/ And he whistled, and shouted, and pounded insane "Now, Hetfield! Now, Burton! Now, Hammett and Mustaine!/ On, Newsted! On Trujillo! (But off with the manes)!" "To the top of the riser! To the top of Paul Wall!/ Now mosh away! Mosh away! Mosh to 'Kill 'Em All!'" As dry heaves that before Three 6 Mafia's "Stay Fly"/ When they meet with Interpol's "Obstacle 1" or Kanye's "Touch the Sky" So up to the house party the Corrs they flew/ With the sleigh full of "In America" soundtracks, and St. Bono too And then, in a twinkling, I started to raise the roof/ Upon hearing "This Magnificent Bird Will Rise" by San Francisco's Deerhoof. As I drew in my hand to crank up the sound/ Down the chimney Cam'ron came with a bound He was dressed all in purple fur, from his head to his foot/ And the keys to his pink Range Rover were all tarnished with ashes and soot A bundle of bling he had flung on his back/ And he looked like his boy Juelz, or maybe Craig Mack His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!/ His cheeks were like Stone Roses (and isn't this ripe for some 50 Cent commentary?) Somehow, Cam turned into Bob Marley, wouldn't you know/ And the tips of his dreads were as white as the snow The stump of a spliff he held tight in his teeth/ And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath He had an angelic face and not much of a belly/ No Elvis-like tendencies to eat peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches (hold the jelly) He was iconic and inspiring, a revolutionary old elf/ And I felt irie when I saw him, in spite of Ronnie Self A wink of his eye and a twist of his natty dreads/ Soon gave me to know I had nothing on my head He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work/ And sang "Redemption Song," then a duet with Solomon Burke And laying his finger aside Weezer's "Dope Nose"/ And giving a nod, up the chimney with Loretta's "Van Lear Rose" He sprang to his sleigh, to the I-Three gave a whistle/ And away they all flew, out of Jamrock like a missile But I heard him exclaim, as he made an exodus out of sight/ Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Jack White. Freedom Rock, 2005

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Freedom Rocks

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