You’ve Made Your Bed, Now Brand It–Carefully

lolita bed for girls.jpgFADE IN:

INT. EUROPEAN OFFICE PARK BLDG. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

We see THIERRY, ANNA, and RAJ seated in a dingy conference room, where they have been for the last four hours. They are surrounded by half-empty bottles of Volvic and numerous sheets of A4 paper crumpled into balls. Imperious and overdressed SVEN stands before a white board inhaling the mildly intoxicating scent of the purple Vis-a-Vis dry erase markers he has long favored.

SVEN
All right, team, you’re doing great! Brand to win! We’ve got just one more to go.

ANNA
But you said that two hours ago.

Raj rolls his eyes and forlornly crushes a water bottle against the side of his head. He whimpers audibly.

SVEN
(ignoring them)
OK then, next item!
(places poster-size photo of bed on easel)
Junior girl’s bed, a mid-sleeper. Whitewashed wood. Comes with pull-out desk and cupboard.
(beat)
T, what have you got for me?

THIERRY
Um…Princess bed? Little Miss?
(shrugs shoulders)
Lullaby?

SVEN
Lullaby!? This bed is for a six-year-old, not a six-month-old! Anna?

ANNA
How about a girl’s name? Olivia? Allie? Madeline?

SVEN
Come on now, don’t try to pull a fast one. You’re stealing those from the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. But I like the idea of a girl’s name for this one. Raj, hit me!

RAJ
Names, names…little girls’ names…
(leaning back on chair and staring at ceiling)
How about Lolita?

SVEN
(claps hands excitedly)
Lolita! I love it! Raj, you’ve done it again.
(scrawls “Lolita” on white board)
OK, team, let’s review: we’ve got the Judas high chair, the Dorian vanity–available only in gray, and the Oedipus boy’s bed. Then there’s the Lennie dog house, the Medea girl’s dresser…what I am forgetting?

RAJ
The Eugene V. Debs My First Media Console.

SVEN
Ah, yes. I do like the sound of that one.
(adds to list)
And finally, the Lolita bed.
(caps noxious marker with a flourish)
Excellent. This new line-up is going to sell through the roof! And I bet our creative branding is going to get a lot of attention. Great work today, team. Brand to win!

FADE OUT.