When Breaking News Isn't Breaking News

Like many media-watchers, the first thing I do when I wake up is pull a giant bong rip to prepare myself for the onslaught of stupid D.C. bullshit I’m about to to face check my email. In my foggy, newly-awoken state, I glance through my phone at online sales, bad guest pitches and fan mail. (Hey, it could happen.) Most of all, I’m looking to see if I missed any major, Earth-shattering events while I was slumbering.

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