AllTwitter’s Wednesday series Twitticisms is back, featuring the jocular jests and witty wisecracks of Twitter’s funniest.
Cue the laugh track:
I wish I could care as much about a human being as people on HGTV care about grout.
— Chapin (@Chapinc) July 9, 2013
Every single time I eat pita chips think about Gwyneth Paltrow saying "Peter!" like "Pita!" in 'Hook' and giggle to myself.
— bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) July 9, 2013
Breaking News: George Clooney, Amanda Bynes, Something Else, People Are Dumb
— Mark Peters (@wordlust) July 9, 2013
Why would I go to the ballet when I'm perfectly capable of boring myself?
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) July 9, 2013
Ohhhhh Chipotle, this blaring jazz muzak means I may stab a server soon.
— Nia Vardalos (@NiaVardalos) July 9, 2013
"hoHO!" – Will Smith as Santa Claus
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 9, 2013
What I love most about Twitter is discovering exciting new voices outside the traditional media power structure. pic.twitter.com/T1NrB8XPm6
— R/GA (@RGA) July 5, 2013
Q: Why did the Internet user cross the road? A: It's purely their business, and it's offensive to mock anyone's motives or lifestyle.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 9, 2013
dam 13 yr olds with twitter are cheating. they needa get myspace 1st, then facebook & then twitter u know its a process like the water cycle
— BILL NYE THO (@Bill_Nye_Tho) July 9, 2013
Jay-Z's new album is a real, unflinching look at what happens when the steward on your private jet forgets lemons for the seafood platter
— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) July 9, 2013
Share your favorites in the comments!
(Laughing image from Shutterstock)