This Mercedes-Benz Song is So Bad it’s Good…Nope, Wait, it’s Just Really, Embarrassingly Bad

We usually like to make you smile on Fridays, but I’m afraid the only smile this new musical Mercedes ad will bring to your face is the Oh-God-I’m-So-Uncomfortable-Please-Make-it-Stop kind.

The new Mercedes-Benz Service Song, sung from the point of view of a Mercedes car in desperate need of the sort of…um…handling that only a Mercedes repairman can provide, features lyrics like: “I like them to be strong, that they can catch me when I skid/Like them to turn me on, I thought that some of them did/But just as I needed a helping hand, so many men were ‘out of service,’ not like you … You only give your best, won’t stop until I smile.”

Oh, and in the 5-minute extended version (yeah, that exists AND we listened to the whole thing) nearly a full 30 seconds is dedicated to throaty, over-the-top “oh yeah’s.”

The atrociously cheesy, over-wrought song is accompanied by an equally terrible video, chock full of overly-Photoshopped images of heroic mechanics, smiling families and glistening sunsets. It seems the ad is trying to be nostalgic, sexy and epic all at once, and failing miserably on all counts.

Lastly, is it just me, or does the singer’s pronunciation of the word “tow” as in “you’ll tow me if I break down” make you want to throttle your computer? Tow does not rhyme with down — please stop trying to force it.

Both the shortened version and extended cut are below. You’ll want to put your ear buds in for this one, folks — no one in your office should be subjected to such atrocities without their explicit consent.

*UPDATE* Since this writing, the original videos posted on YouTube by Mercedes (which I had included below) have been labeled “private” and are no longer viewable (well that didn’t last too long…). Below is the extended version, which was posted on YouTube by a third party: