PRNewser, along with other mediabistro.com reporters, will be covering the SXSW conference from Austin, TX this weekend and into next week. As one can imagine, we’re being flooded with PR pitches to meet with all kinds of people and companies.
We don’t mind it at all. We like to be kept informed – and it comes with the gig. However, we thought PRNewser readers would be interested in us highlighting one “good” pitch and one “bad” pitch.
SXSW, along with other major conferences, is a very hard environment in which to pitch. There is a complete firehose of information being shot at bloggers and media. So, after the jump, we’ve posted one “good” pitch and one “bad” pitch.
The “good” pitch:
Subject line: Meeting Request – Loopt – LBS @ SxSW
Wanted to see if you have time to meet with Sam Altman, CEO of Loopt, at SxSW. Would be a general discussion about what trends are taking place in mobile location-based services and what’s next for the space. Loopt has been adding in a lot of content partners, including mobile advertising partners during the past several months.
Believe he’s fairly free on Tuesday, March 16th.
Please let me know if you’re available or if you have any questions.
Why this pitch is good:
1) It gives a clear call to action: Do you want to meet with this CEO on this day? I immediately emailed the contact back to set up an interview.
2) It is very brief and to the point. I immediately understand what is being offered and how it ties into news trends.
3) Of course, this pitch does have the advantage of being tied to a very hot topic: location-based services.
The “bad” pitch:
Subject line: Tungle follow up
My name is xxxx; I’m in charge of public relations at Tungle.me, a cross-platform online scheduling application. We’ll be meeting each other soon at SxSW, where Tungle.me is sponsoring the press room.
To facilitate the many meetings you’ll want to book while at SxSW we’ve taken the liberty of reserving a personalized URL for you at Tungle.me in advance.
You may have received an automated email from Tungle.me’s Chief Executive Officer, Marc Gingras, welcoming you to the Tungle.me service. Please note that no action or commitment on your part is required following the receipt of the welcome email. I, as well other members of the tungle.me team (including Marc himself) will be on site at SxSW to demonstrate the tungle.me application to you and show you how easy it’s going to make your scheduling life!
For an introduction and more information on Tungle.me’s services, please visit www.tungle.me.If you have any questions or concerns before we meet, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
If you have any questions or concernce before we meet, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
I look forward to seeing you at the event!
Why this is a “bad” pitch:
1) It’s too “big brother.” For example, the pitch starts out with, “We’ll be meeting each other soon at SxSW, where Tungle.me is sponsoring the press room.” It comes off as a bit much.
2) “You may have received an automated email from Tungle.me’s Chief Executive Officer, Marc Gingras, welcoming you to the Tungle.me service.” Phrases never to use in a pitch: “automated email.”
3) Why is the word follow up used in the subject line? This person never called or emailed me before, so how could they be following up?
4) The last line of the pitch is repeated twice, and with typos: “If you have any questions or concernce before we meet, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.”
5) No strong call to action. Instead of, “Do you want to meet with this CEO at this date/time,” it is “If you have any questions or concerns before we meet, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.” This is a much more general offer and won’t get as strong a response.
What is your take on these pitches?