Post Explains Itself

Feeling the intense competitive pressure from the D.C. Examiner–which, we might point out, had the new “key to the city” story yesterday–has decided to explain how to read a newspaper.

Explaining that as print circulations drop many people no longer know how to interact with hard copies of the paper, columnist Jack Kelly today provides a helpful 12-step guide to processing and digesting the Post (or, it would seem to hold, just about any printed ‘newspaper-like’ item)–beginning with “Step 1: Grasp The Washington Post in your hands. Enjoy the pleasant feel of the paper against your skin.” Oh, trust us, Jack, that’s how we begin every morning. That pleasant feeling of newsprint on pulp paper sliding smoothly along our skin. Mmmmmm…….

Anyway sorry, we digress. He also provides helpful navigation techniques, like just in case you’ve ever wondered where Page A1 is, Kelly explains it’s the first page of the front section. Perhaps the two most important rules?

  • Step 4: Peruse at will. There is no right or wrong way to read the paper. Everyone does it differently.
  • Step 6: Be skeptical. The princely sum of 35 cents entitles you not just to a copy of The Post, but to the right to whine and carp about it, too.

Given all of the carping (especially online) about the lazy hackdom of journalists, Kelly also makes one very salient point: “Notice, though, that we get it right the vast majority of the time, under tight deadlines and often extreme situations. Our reporters dodge bombs in Baghdad and attend incredibly boring county council meetings so you don’t have to.”

Now if only we could get someone else to read the Examiner each morning so we don’t have to.