We have BREAKING NEWS: Kate Upton is an attractive woman. Most of America had been unsure about that until just last night, when People dubbed her the Sexiest Woman Alive.
“The national debate has finally ended,” said President Obama. “This is a truly great day for the nation. May god bless Ms. Upton, and may god bless America.”
Despite the official status, some remained skeptics. An Ohio man stated “Kate Upton? Never heard of her. Now, my girlfriend Julie, there’s a looker.”
FishbowlNY attempted to reach Julie for comment but were unable to verify that she actually existed.