Oh sure, this they’re investigating

Capitol.jpgDrudge reports the intended launch of a bicameral leak probe into the leak of top-secret information to Dana Priest of the Washington Post about secret prisons for terror suspects abroad. Developing, natch.

New York media ties: (1) There was this other leak that some people were talking about; (2) We can’t help it, we still think the Senate is kinda hot; and (3) We’ve been DYING for an excuse to reference “A Little Priest” from “Sweeney Todd,” which is on Broadway and which we saw with another NY media person and at which we met the lovely and charming Sarah Kramer who assists Tom Wallace at Cond&#233 Nast. Upshot: This post falls squarely within our mandate. Plus, if you think the Senate is hot a little bi-cameral house-on-house action takes it through the roof.

Related:
CIA Holds Terror Suspects in Secret Prisons [WaPo]
A Little Priest from “Sweeney Todd” is a really good song [Newsweek]

Not at all related, besides the obvious:
Media Minutiae, “Attend The Tale of Sweeney Todd” Edition [FishbowlNY]

A Little Sondheim, because Mama knows you want it:
Lyrics for “A Little Prist” after the jump. Send in your own inspired stanza!


We come upon Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett right after they’ve decided to start killing people in his barbershop to provide succulent meat for her pies. Times is hard, people, times is hard. Thanks to Dana Priest for the excuse.

TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times,
Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!
LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
TODD: What is that?

LOVETT:
It’s priest. Have a little priest.

TODD:
Is it really good?

LOVETT:
Sir, it’s too good, at least!
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh,
So it’s pretty fresh.

TODD:
Awful lot of fat.

LOVETT:
Only where it sat.

TODD:
Haven’t you got poet, or something like that?

LOVETT:
No, y’see, the trouble with poet is
‘Ow do you know it’s deceased?
Try the priest!

TODD: (spoken) Heavenly!
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps,
but then again, not as bland as curate, either!

LOVETT:
And good for business, too — always leaves you wantin’ more!
Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!
Lawyer’s rather nice.

TODD:
If it’s for a price.

LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!

TODD:
Anything that’s lean.

LOVETT:
Well, then, if you’re British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it’s clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been!

TODD:
Is that squire,
On the fire?

LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You’ll notice it’s grocer!

TODD:
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!

LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer —
It’s green!

TODD:
The history of the world, my love —

LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!

TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!

LOVETT:
Ev’rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!

TODD:
How gratifying for once to know

BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below!

LOVETT: (spoken) Now let’s see, here… We’ve got tinker.

TODD: Something… pinker.

LOVETT: Tailor?

TODD: Paler.

LOVETT: Butler?

TODD: Subtler.

LOVETT: Potter?

TODD: Hotter.

LOVETT: Locksmith?
Lovely bit of clerk.

TODD:
Maybe for a lark.

LOVETT:
Then again there’s sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark!
Try the financier,
Peak of his career!

TODD:
That looks pretty rank.

LOVETT:
Well, he drank,
It’s a bank
Cashier.
Never really sold.
Maybe it was old.

TODD:
Have you any Beadle?

LOVETT:
Next week, so I’m told!
Beadle isn’t bad till you smell it and
Notice ‘ow well it’s been greased…
Stick to priest!

(spoken) Now then, this might be a little bit stringy,
but then of course it’s… fiddle player!

TODD: No, this isn’t fiddle player — it’s piccolo player!

LOVETT: ‘Ow can you tell?

TODD: It’s piping hot!

LOVETT: Then blow on it first!

TODD:
The history of the world, my sweet —

LOVETT:
Oh, Mr. Todd,
Ooh, Mr. Todd,
What does it tell?

TODD:
Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!

LOVETT:
And, Mr. Todd,
Too, Mr. Todd,
Who gets to sell!

TODD:
But fortunately, it’s also clear

BOTH:
That [L: But] ev’rybody goes down well with beer!

LOVETT: (spoken)
Since marine doesn’t appeal to you, ‘ow about… rear admiral?

TODD: Too salty. I prefer general.

LOVETT: With, or without his privates?

TODD: What is that?

LOVETT:
It’s fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd’s pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I’ve just begun —
Here’s the politician, so oily
It’s served with a doily,
Have one!

TODD:
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it’s going to run!

LOVETT:
Try the friar,
Fried, it’s drier!

TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!

LOVETT:
Then actor,
That’s compacter!

TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone!
I’ll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

LOVETT: (spoken) Wait! True, we don’t have judge yet,
but we’ve got something you might fancy even better.

TODD: What’s that?

LOVETT: Executioner!

TODD:
Have charity towards the world, my pet!

LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love!

TODD:
We’ll take the customers that we can get!

LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!

TODD:
We’ll not discriminate great from small!
No, we’ll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,

BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!