Nothing Better Than an Eggnog Chugging Contest to Put You in the ER for Christmas

eggnog gassyEggnog.

That vat of murky glop smelling of Yuletide joy, Maalox, and regurgitation is reflective of all things holiday-ish. There must some hypnotic charm intertwined with the beads of adhesive elixir because people buy this stuff in bulk during this time of the year.

So, it makes sense that someone would challenge the power eaters of this country to an eggnog chugging contest. Alcohol-free festivity, of course, so it is time to sing carols…all the way to the ICU.

Yeah, not the most wonderful time of the year for the winner. 

ryan_rocheMeet Ryan Roche. 

A young man from Lehi, Utah who was looking for a happy-happy-joy-joy time to celebrate the holidays. Everyone does mistletoe and pine cones, latkes and challah french toast, there had to be more. That’s when Roche found the ‘eggnog chugging contest.’

Roche, 33, is apparently pretty good at downing a quart of the pasty (and often spiked) panacea. This month, he shaved 10 seconds off the previous best time of 22 seconds that day, which earned him bragging rights and a $50 gift certificate to Ruth’s Chris Steak House.

“Everyone knows I’m pretty competitive,” Ryan Roche of Lehi, Utah, told ABC News, explaining how his colleagues talked him into participating just as he was leaving the party with his family earlier this month. “I just decided I was going to win. So I pretty much just opened it up and poured it down my throat,” he said.

Think about it: 12 seconds. 1 quart. Something wicked this way comes.

“Two hours later I was laying on the couch, shaking uncontrollably, nauseous, having fevers and panting,” said Roche.

Experts say the antacid-like mulch went down the wrong pipe and triggered pneumonia. The eggnog was in his lungs. Following a Christmas wish to Santa, a lot of hurling that yuletide cheer a week later, he was good as new and ready to chow down on that steak.

“People are emailing me pictures of eggnog … it never gets old,” he said. “I’m pretty competitive but, unfortunately, in this situation it got the best of me. But it’s become quite the story.”

Yes it has, Ryan. Yes it has. And we all thank you for that.