NOT Harry and Louise

Peter’s busy this week, doing what I have no idea. So the burden of doing this post fell to me. Actually, it’s not a burden at all. Mocking the people who would seek the advice from Washingtonian‘s Harry & Louise is a joy akin to the first sip of a beer after an annoying day’s work. Let’s crack it open and find out if it’s skunked.

This week’s question is from Furious Friend, which sounds like a bad Vin Diesel movie.

Dear Harry and Louise:

My best friend Michael is someone I can usually trust and count on. When I was recently hurt by a girlfriend (she dumped me after we were together for two years and, I thought, headed toward marriage), the only person I confided in was Michael. He let me vent, his house was always open to me, and he even called a couple of times to make sure I was keeping my head up. Whenever he was having the guys over to watch football, he made sure I was included. Sounds great right? Here’s the problem: At one of these gatherings of guys (and some girlfriends), Michael was a little tipsy and a bit stoned, and he blurted out one of the embarrassing stories I had told him. Everyone got a good laugh out of it, but I was pissed. I wanted to punch him out right there, but instead I sat there getting even angrier. I left before everyone else, but not in a huff. I didn’t want to bring even more attention to the story he told.

So what’s my next move? Should I end the friendship? Can I trust this asshole ever again?

Louise answers with what you’d expect her to answer with – feelings and crap. If you’re a guy and you’re taking advice on how to deal with a guy friend from a chick, you’re either making up the problem to seem sensitive to try to get her into bed or you’ve been secretly neutered in your sleep and just haven’t noticed yet. In other words, forget the crap advice she offered.

Harry, on the other hand, does come on strong with essentially “man-up” advice. I would say, “Good for him!” had he not congratulated you on not decking the guy. Yes, popping the guy in the mouth would’ve drawn attention to the fact that his story was bothering you, but it also would’ve shut him up.

Punching aside (and who really wants to go to jail?), have some balls, dude. If you don’t realize that guys make fun of other guy’s pain, you aren’t much of a guy. It seems as though some time has passed, it’s time to get over your lost love. And seriously, smoking weed? Are you 15? You can’t be, because no one under 40 who isn’t paid to know Harry & Louise exists, knows they exist! Grow the Hell up! You got dumped, it sucks, but if you haven’t been dumped before now, you’ve been lucky.

Unless the story was about how you prematurely ejaculated all over her mother’s Thanksgiving turkey as everyone was sitting down to dinner, lighten up. If you can’t laugh about your screw ups you’re never going to get over them.

If you don’t want to be friends with him anymore, by all means, talk to him, dump him. If you want to be a man, grow some balls, stockpile stories about him, and when the time is right, or he talks again, spew his dirty laundry to everyone.

Frankly, you sound like a pill to be around right now. I hope it’s only temporary. If it is, man-up and get over it. If it’s not, you can’t afford to lose any friends.