Stating the Obvious: Patrick Goldstein takes a damn long time to tell us that movies are good right now because this is Oscar season.
Stating the Oblivious: Madonna is scheduled to tell Oprah how nice it is to have a poor, black kid of her very own. Households across the nation are expected to tune in on Wednesday, look around their living rooms at their own domestically grown poor, black kids, shake their heads briefly and then finish sewing their Purim costumes.
Sentencing the Obnoxious: Foxy Brown is going to face jail time unless she shows up to court for sentencing an assault charges stemming from beauty shop brawl she got into over payment for her manicure. She pleaded guilty to kicking one employee and smacking the other one in the face — which is not just assault, but a totally stupid thing to do after a manicure.