LAT in 90 Seconds

Arrrrg-uably the best thing for Hollywood since Toby:images-20.jpg Who knew that in these uncertain times, the hero America would need most would be a vaguely-gay, morally bankrupt pirate? Sorry, Superman.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest shattered the weekend box-office record with an estimated take of $132 million in the United States and Canada — bigger than Spiderman! Bigger, for those of you who think Entourage is a documentary, than Aquaman.

The results are being heralded as proof that Hollywood’s slump is over, marking the eighth straight weekend of year-over-year gains. We did not see the film yet, but we did see a guy dressed as a Depp-esque pirate at the Starbucks across the street from the El Capitan theater on Saturday night. Our apologies for snickering, matey. We thought you were a vacationing pederast. We had no idea you were saving Hollywood.

The Secret Word Is: Shhh!24305435.jpg A story about the return of Pee-wee’s Playhouse barely mentions Paul Reubens’ infamous 1991 porn house arrest, but does mention that an interview for the story took place in Reubens’ publicist’s office. We’re not saying the Times sold out for an interview with Pee-wee Herman — oh, wait, that it is what we’re saying.

Mickey-Ficky, Me? Mickey-Ficky, You! A federal judge ruled it fucking violates copyright laws to remove sex, violence and profanity from DVDs.