Koppel’s Birthday List

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Presenting, courtesy of Fishbowl readers, the Top 10 Things Ted Koppel Wants for His 65th Birthday:


#10) A guest spot on the Surreal Life
#9) To know Jeff Gannon’s real name
#8) Dinner with Darrell Hammond
#7) A really unfortunate accident to befall Jake Tapper and Bill Weir (Preferably one that involved a wrench and a cocker spaniel)
#6) A private security account of his own (Suddenly, at 65, social security reform seems a bit more personal)
#5) For Chris Bury to stop hosting so many damn Nightlines
#4) Tucker Carlson’s bow tie collection
#3) His wife, Grace, to be a little more “desperate,” if you know what we mean
#2) A gift certificate to Donald Trump’s hair stylist, and, the #1 thing Ted Koppel wants for his birthday:

#1) George Stephanopoulos’s job

Thanks to everyone who submitted answers.