The thesaurus is not your friend when writing a resume, as Clue Wagon has discovered.
[The worst resume I’ve ever seen] was like a thesaurus threw up on a piece of magenta resume paper. So, for example, instead of “Used Microsoft Excel to produce budget reports,” it said, “Exert authority over numerical symbols juxtaposed upon an electronic gridlike structure, propagating allocation paradigms for narrative demonstrations of capitalization.” It was five pages long, even though the guy was only a few years out of high school.
The kicker? This guy paid a company to create this resume. How did the recruiter know this? The resume writing company put an ad at the bottom of each page, reading: “(c) 1998 Acme Resume Service. All Right Reserved. To get your own unique resume, call us at (414) 555-1212”
Unique certainly sounds like it doesn’t even cover it…