Futbol? What is this futbol of which you speak?

Somewhere along the line HarperCollins’ exec editor David Hirshey became the Fishbowl sports correspondent, which may not necessarily be a step up from a Fishtern but at least pays twice as much. In any case, we know that we could never improve on the account he sent us of last night’s Media Soccer League Extravaganza, complete with jerseys whipped off in a frenzy and glistening media torsos. Not surprisingly, we didn’t touch a word. Yep, that’s the kind of editing we like best! Ladies and germs Greg Lindsay ought to watch out for floating around in hermetically-sealed airplane cabins, David Hirshey!

In case your head was buried in the Astroturf watching those steroid-pumped pituatary cases play that other kind of football all weekend, you might have missed our kind of futbol, where hot media guys do a striptease after scoring goals. We’re speaking, of course, of the Media Soccer League, whose Fall Season kicked off last night at Pier 40 with a cardiac-arresting duel between defending champs HarperCollins and the new, improved VH1 juggernaut. VH1 jumped on HC United, taking a 2-0 lead after the first 20 minutes, only to end up losing 4-3 in the final minute on a 20 yard screamer into the upper left corner of the net off the blazing right foot of Harper hottie Gui Stampur. Dubbed “The Becks with the Pecs” by his legion of female fans and a few Chelsea boys (and we’re not talking English soccer here), the former Columbia University star did his now-customary Brandi Chastain imitation, whipping off his jersey to expose his glistening torso . No word on whether VH1 plans to sic Danny Bonaduce on him but judging from this intercepted e-mail from a VH wonder, they need to do something:

Gui needs to leave your team already and join the MLS. We actually did a GREAT job defending him. We were swarming him and frustrating him. He was completely shut down in the first half. But our defense broke in the second half and they got a few lucky breaks.

Sports Correspondent Hirshey did authorize me to insert an appropriate showtune reference; we’re gonna go with this one, from my favorite musical when I was eight years old. Given my eight-year old predilection for singing out loud, I will say that it was a little awkward for my parents at times.