Foghorn of the day

"The next attack on America, if it comes, will likely be minor and tolerable..."

Okay, we admit it: It’s like shooting fish in a barrel to go looking for the day’s loudest – and least supported – claim on the pages of an op-ed piece in the Daily News. But we couldn’t resist. In a piece that makes even an indigo-hearted Kerry-lover yearn for the return of recently retired brahmin William F. Buckley, Jr., John Leo tries for a diluted Ann Coulter in bashing liberals. Here’s what he finds:


“The next attack on America, if it comes, will likely be minor and tolerable,” Leo says, but doesn’t stop there. “I was assured,” he continues, “that a dirty bomb is the most likely weapon, and that it it would probably do no more damage than an industrial accident would.” Assured by whom, we wonder? His dog? His mother? Can’t be the Bomb Squad guys down at the Six in the West Village, but we digress. Leo goes on to assess that the biggest damage to the city is likely to come not from bomb-strapped fundamentalists, but…liberals.

Aha. Fishbowl thinks we should drive around with a bullhorn and tell this bit of wisdom to all the Fortress Gotham cops guarding the tunnels and bridges and freezing their ears off. While we’re at it, we should let the underpaid TSA staffers with the rubber gloves raiding your JFK luggage know, too, as well as inform the armed camp around City Hall formerly known as Lower Manhattan. “Go home, boys. And tomorrow, assemble outside the Clintons’ Chappaqua residence, just in case they wanna get fresh.”

We know it’s comme il faut (a traitorous french term for “popular practice”) to drip some red onto a blue canvas, but come on, Johnny. You’re at least a month behind the 8-ball.

Runner-up for Daily Foghorn Award:

The ever-dependable Wall Street Journal, which again – in stentorian tones that remind us of a headmaster patiently explaining The Punic Wars to a truculent student – feels that torture just never got a fair shake: In rushing to incoming AD Alberto Gonzales’s defense, we’re being told that “the U.S. does not in fact torture people, but ambiguity about what is possible can be an important tool in gaining cooperation.” In clearspeak: Scare the bejeesus out of’em and stop talking about it. We’re wondering if we can’t get the unnamed author of this item a table at the River Cafe, invite John Leo, tell the cops to go home because there’s no threat, and have the entire affair be catered by a Syrian deli from Atlantic Avenue. With dessert.

Bon appetit, gentlemen.