Featured in Features – the HuffPost Edition

Since online journalism is stuffed with more meaningless and weird “fillers” than a generic brand hotdog, I took at look at the few of the “less important” features stories making the rounds of the Internet’s waiting room.

Just Dumb – Hipsters and “progressives” love American Apparel so much that they’re stealing from it. HuffPost has a story about how American Apparel is the top choice for hipsters. It would probably be more accurate to call them “douchesters” if they’re fans of American Apparel. Anyway, these douchesters apparently not only love to shop there, they love to shoplift from there, too. It seems, as far as shoplifters go, “many of them indistinguishable from the chain’s loyal customers.” I can think of one difference – paying. AA, having had enough of this sort of loyalty, is imposing new security measures HuffPost thinks might drive away more douchester customers. It’s an important story for the tiny percentage the population who shops and/or steals from this crappy chain.

America’s Perpetual First Daughter – Remember when Chelsea Clinton signed a 90-day contract with NBC News to do features on “Rock Center”? If the ratings are any indication, you don’t. Fear not, as her contract comes to an end, the daughter of the former President and current Sec. of State won’t be going hungry anytime soon. Aside from living off her family’s millions and however much money she earned as a hedge fund manager while her mother was attacking her profession in 2008,  she is set to re-up with Media Matters’ favorite “news” outlet. It would seem the producers think her horrible reporting style and delivery dovetails perfectly with a lack of audience. Congratulations to her! Keep up the … work?

Just…Shoot Me – What’s more interesting than reading about two people no one cares about arguing? Watching paint dry on growing grass. But that didn’t stop HuffPost from writing about how CNN’s Erin Burnett and Salon’s Glen Greenwald had a Twitt-War over coverage of Iran’s attempts to build a nuclear weapon. Who wasn’t riveted by that? Everyone.

These are but three stories cluttering HuffPost’s pages. And I didn’t even get into their post about the sex life of one of the Kardashians and her husband of the moment – which is more headline and less sex.