From Last Call!
Take one drink if: John McCain starts a sentence with “My friends”; Mitt Romney refers to his wife as “his sweetheart”; Rudy Giuliani puts on a Yankee hat; Sam Brownback doesn’t use the word “life” in an answer; Hunter says “I’ll be back”; Mike Huckabee eats a cheeseburger; Tom Tancredo says “illegal”; Chris Matthews foams at the mouth; Jim VandeHei says “Web Round”; John Harris says “revelatory.”
Take two drinks if: someone says “I agree with the president”; Romney’s hair moves; McCain tells Matthews to get a life; anyone mentions 9/11 before Rudy; Jerry Springer shows up and introduces a mystery ex-wife; anyone references “Law & Order” (the series or the Reagan Movie); anyone uses the word “surrender”; anyone says “morning in America.”
Finish your glass if: Jim Gilmore outlaws a car tax; Tommy Thompson offends everyone in the audience; Politico.com has technical issues live streaming the debate online; someone shoots a lawyer in the audience.
Shave your goatee if: you know the difference between Duncan Hunter and Ron Paul; the number of “Jesus” references outnumbers “Iraq” references; anyone rides in on horseback.
Do nothing when people mention Reagan. No person can possibly handle that much alcohol.