I dip in and out of Twitter, and lately it’s been obvious to me that I’m looking at the same personality types no matter where I go. Here are 9 – Which one are you?
As is the inevitable fate of any online or real-life human community, eventually robots take over and daily communication becomes overrun with spam. Maybe this applies to online communities more than real-life ones, but isn’t it the truth? Email, messages boards, Digg, Facebook… At some point, spammers figure out how to create messages and ruin what was once a cozy and trustworthy atmosphere. Twitter is no different, so watch out for anybody that has a link in every single post. They’re probably one of these:
“Wow!”, “OMG!” and “WTF?” are just a few of the exclamations you’ll get from the exclaimer. They tend to be surprisingly self-unaware as they shoot exclamatory Tweets into the tweetosphere about every daily grind item of their day. Fortunately, this type of Twitter user wakes up one day, looks at their Twitter account, and realizes that their obsession with improving their own perception of the world has blinded them to their own true feelings, and they find the path to calm.
0 followers, 1 following, signed up in April 2005. If someone like this starts to follow you, get your lawyers ready because you’re just around the corner from issuing a restraining order on Guy_Curious_20394. Stalkers abound on Twitter, and you’ve got to keep your eye out for random strangers that add you and try to become friends, otherwise you might meet this guy.
I have friends who’ve added me on Twitter, then Tweet to me, then weeks later ask me why I never responded. Because they just tweet on their own profile and hope that I’ll see it. The concept of Twitter, which is writing short messages on your own wall, can get a little tricky when it comes to sending messages to others, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair for me to take the blame for it!
With 6 billion people on the Earth, we represent a colorful embroidery of various threads of being, all unique in our expressions. Except that a bunch of these people seem to think that their only goal in life is to ensure that their Twitter account has a bunch of randomly sampled news items from throughout the day. It’s one thing if you’re trying to cheer people up, but when I see you post every item of news from the Daily Tribune, you should know that they have their own Twitter account, and don’t necessarily need you to copy it for them.
We’re guilty of this, but are working to fix it: bloggers that only post their own stuff on their Twitter page. Just like the news aggregator, but using only one source, this Twitter feed is pretty much redundant, as people don’t need another way to see every single thing that’s on your site. They can just visit the site. It’s important for a Twitter account to provide some level of unique value, otherwise it’s just not worth it.
The hater is pretty much only on Twitter to talk about how much they dislike other people’s opinions of stuff, but they don’t even realize it. You know this person. They are done with crass commercialism, watered-down art and shallow opinion. They are searching for depth and meaning, context and subtlety, sentiment rather than sentimentality. But they’re on Twitter. So yeah… they haven’t got the whole puzzle figured out yet. Typically, if you’re bothered by the world around you, find a new place to hang out. The worst is when the hater eventually starts hating Twitter itself, but publishes his opinion using Twitter. It’s just too much of a waste of time to be pondered.
Although the partier, who is constantly publishing location-based Tweets and hashtagging their current party, is pretty annoying, they are actually the most effective user of Twitter. It all started at South by Southwest a few years ago, when Twitter was first unleashed on the public, and people used hashtags to figure out which party had the smallest lines. In an environment like that, with a few thousand people using the service, it was kind of amazing to see people hashtag their next party, then head over, and then see that party fill up and go crazy within the hour. This is why Twitter is essential at conferences and parties, and it is only annoying to the person who isn’t at the parties, and has to watch their buddies have fun through Twitter.
What annoying list would be complete without celebrities. Just joking, @AshtonKutcher! Seriously though, celebrities live the high side of the greatest double standard around. People respect their opinions because they read someone else’s lines in fictional movies, and 99.5% of the time are ridiculously good looking. So as if they didn’t take up enough of our cultural memory just by being the faces of our visual stories (movies), they need to get their hands on Twitter and start telling us what political parties and charities they’re working with? Yup. That can get pretty annoying on your Twitter feed, and I suspect a lot of people add and then quickly remove celebrities other than Conan O’Brien, who, of course, should be everywhere, always.