A Story With Fat Metaphors in Every Fold

This story is nothing short of spectacular in that it contains the greatest number of overweight metaphors per square inch that we’ve seen since New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie began his quest to not be president.

You’ll notice that the woman who wrote this, a CNN national news correspondent known for cracking jokes, has a name often associated with cows. We don’t usually print full stories, but we hope you’ll give us a wide girth to showcase her creativity.

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